After a long time I was back in my Verandah with a cup of tea after the office. For last couple of months it has been somewhat tiresome. Going off on official tour on every week, being stuck in office for petty issues and blah blah ...
Well, actually all these are excuses. I was very much undecided on what to do next! I was all the time calculating and re-calculating my personal schedules and programmes for next few months. It seemed time was running out. So I was never free to relax at my verandah. But it doesn't mean that I am free of all the doubts and dilemmas right now, but still I can sense I'll be, very soon; because I have decided the final date - I'll be resigning by end June.
I am going for pursuing PhD at PSU. But now I have a different kind of dilemma. It is always difficult if you have choices, almost equivalent in various aspects. I have the same problem now. I rang up two of my close friends who have already tackled this choice problem in their PhD! I asked their opinions about the choices, asked what would be their choice if they were at my position. They answered honestly. I came at my verandah and suddenly I realized - there is no point asking their views.
I remembered a scene from Godard's 'Masculine - Feminine'. The protagonist and his friend were having coffee at a cafe. Suddenly a man came from outside hastily and asked the receptionist some direction and went out in same hurry. The protagonist suddenly stood up, went back to the door and enacted the same sequence as the man did and asked the same direction from the receptionist and went out hastily. Seconds later he came back and sat again with his friend. Then he said, 'Putting oneself in some other's shoes does not make him realize the situation at all.'
Am I trying to play the same thing?
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